We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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