Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
