I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
