I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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