she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
