I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
