Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
