Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
