Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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