Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
