I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
