Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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