ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Two words: blizzard sex
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
