i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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