i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Redeem this text for a blowjob
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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