So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
