I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's shark week go big or go home
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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