Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
