Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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