i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
