I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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