Small penises have feelings too.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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