shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
