I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
