I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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