I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
