My friends, they love my intelligence
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
