I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
