the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
