I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
