i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
