I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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