How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
