her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
