We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
