Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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