My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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