is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
