Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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