He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
