At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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