At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
