6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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