So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
