just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
