well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
