do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
