I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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