he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
