There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
