I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This is my gift to your gina
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
